Finding Love of My Body In the Air

Carrying tiny humans is hard.  The process of getting them here - even harder.  My younger brother once joked with my then infant son: "Your mother - she had herself a c-section.  And that was the saddest section of her life." The daggers my eyes threw his way could have cut though vibranium.  But thinking back, his comment touched on a topic that has taken me some time to accept... that my body had been forever changed from carrying my tiny human.

In 2012, I was blessed to have a 8 pound 6 once baby boy.  I had a smaller frame all my life and gained 50 lbs during my pregnancy.  I would love to say that my decision to nurse my son for a year came from a desire to bond and share my immune system with him- but that wouldn't be the entire truth. A large part of my decision was to ensure that my uterus would shrink back and that my pre-pregnancy body would return by giving my calories to him.

Two Weeks Before Delivery

As predicted, the baby weight began falling off and I was fitting back into my pre-pregnancy clothes within a few months.  However, there was something markedly different about my body: a small pouch hanging below my belly button riddled with stretch marks and excess skin.  Worse yet, when laying down on my back a large gap in my stomach wall that was visible from the skin falling inward.  Thus my introduction to Dystasis Recti - or what most women refer to as mommy tummy.

What is Dystasis Recti and what causes it?  Dystasis Recti is a condition when the abdominal wall of the stomach separates after giving birth, resulting in a small pouch in some new moms.  Pregnancy puts so much pressure on the belly that sometimes the muscles in front can't keep their shape; especially if the core was weak before pregnancy.

I had never gone to a gym, nor did I engage in any fitness, sport, or dance activities growing up.  Had I known that having a strong core would have helped with delivery and preventing Dystasis Recti - I would have been at the gym regularly.

What nobody tells you...  Typical ab exercises such as: crunches, sit-ups, push ups, front planks, and double leg lifts laying on your back make the condition WORSE.  Most women run to these exercises, thinking it's going to make their mommy pouch flatter, when in fact it's making the abdominal separation worse.  Swimming, certain yoga poses (downward dog), and exercises dropping you to your hands and knees also cause your outer abdominal muscles to separate.  The sad truth is that a lot of personal trainers aren't familiar with Dystasis Recti nor how these exercises are detrimental to women dealing with the condition. Below is a link with more information on the Do's and Don'ts of Dystasis Recti:

https://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/abdominal-separation-diastasis-recti#1

Aerial Fitness, on the other hand, incorporates deep core conditioning of your transverse muscles that get you off your hands and knees.  The tuck, pike, straddle exercises performed on pole, trapeze, hoop, and aerial silks strengthen your deep core, bringing your ab muscles back together, and closing the gap in your abdominal wall.  Since starting Aerial Fitness, the gap in my abdominal wall went from 2.5 finger widths wide to completely closing.  It's also helped me build abdominal strength for the first time in my life, as well as core reactivation after my c-section.

Straddle Inverts on Pole & Trapeze Apparatus

A lot of lifestyle changes including exercising, changing the type of foods I ate, and reducing the amount of stress in my life have contributed to me becoming the healthiest version of myself that I've ever been.  And while I was successful in flattening my mommy tummy and returning to my pre-pregnancy weight, there is still excess skin and stretch marks that remain.  And you know what?  It's perfectly okay!

Had you spoken with me before Aerial Fitness, I would have told you my life's goal was to save enough money for a tummy tuck.  But poling for 4 years has allowed me to obtain a different perspective of my body.  Somewhere along the line, the focus shifted from how my body appears to what it's now capable of doing.  Somewhere along the line, I swapped out tank tops for sports bras, and unapologetically started wearing shorts that revealed my mommy stomach.  Somewhere along the line, I found love and acceptance of my body in the air.

The fact is, that outside of society's unrealistic standard of beauty and perfection, there are millions of moms out there, with a body like mine - this body that has given life to the most amazing human I've ever known... and that is nothing to be ashamed of.

Fighting My Fear of Heights Through Aerial Arts

If you told me 5 years ago that I would be hanging upside down, 15 feet in the air, by a knee- I would have kindly asked you which crazy train did you just get off of?  The reason is quite simple really: I don't do heights.  Never have, and never thought I would until the Autumn of 2015.

You see, after falling from a 10 ft slide when I was 6, and being stuck on the Superman roller coaster when I was 13, my subconscious had decided one tiny yet crucial detail about my life: that my body was never going to leave the ground again. 

A three hour flight to Florida, or a 22 hour drive by car… give me the car.  Driving over a connective bridge or taking a detour all the way around... detour please!  There was a period of time where my family legit hated me for my fear.  It gripped me in so many aspects of my life and affected my relationships in so many ways.  

Now, fast forward to present day 2019!  Several straddle back balances and twisted grip Ayeshas later, I can now call myself a proud Pole and Trapeze Aerialist!!  How in the world did THAT happen?  And how was I able to work through my fear of going airborne?  Keep reading to find out!

Straddle back balance on Trapeze Apparatus

Mermaid pose on Trapeze Apparatus

The question I really needed to ask myself was: what was I REALLY afraid of, and WHY?  
Bear with me as I get scientific here, but the answer is going to make complete sense- I promise!

95% of everything we know, from our behavior and emotions to our beliefs and even our personality comes from our subconscious mind.  The beliefs we hold are what make up our subconscious and those beliefs are formulated from the age of 0-6.  

Once our subconscious mind has been formed- it’s only job is to keep us safe; and it does this by triggering our bodies to react in certain ways.  Dr. Irum Tahir explains it best in her 2015 Ted Talk entitled, "How to Change Your Limiting Beliefs for Greater Success!"  I've included the link below for anyone interested in learning more about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fom14XGMFHA

For me, being nudged off a 10 ft slide at the age of 6 is what solidified my fear of heights.  Getting stuck on the roller coaster for an hour only intensified my belief that going airborne would always put me in situations where I was not in control and right into harm’s way.  The answer was to change this long-held belief by deliberately putting my body in the air; only this time with me in charge.  Thus enter the world of Aerial Arts!  

In September 2015, a co-worker of mine mentioned that there was a Pole Fitness studio in our area, and that she wanted someone to attend an Intro class with her.  The amount of anxiety I had when she asked me to go was through the roof, but I swore that I was going to start taking proactive steps towards addressing and overcoming my fear of heights.  I was 31 years old at the time, had just given birth a year and a half earlier to my son, and was in dire need of a fitness activity and some time away from him.

My now 7 year old son at Aerial Arts of Rochester 

I immediately called the studio and asked A MILLION and one questions: how tall were the poles, how much weight could they hold, if they were bolted into the ground and ceiling, when was the date of their last safety inspection, how many of her students had suffered injuries, etc.  The studio owner (my first Pole Fitness Instructor) must have thought I was a complete basket case!  When class day came, I had an anxiety attack an hour before, and ironically was the ONLY one who showed up because my co-worker bailed at the last minute.  I took a deep breath, walked through those studio doors, and the rest (as they say) is history!  

After the Intro class, I started attending 6 week Pole Fitness sessions, and progressed to the point of becoming an Advanced Pole Aerialist in 3 years time.  I was fortunate to be able to fly to Austin this past March to become the first instructor certified by Xpert Pole and Aerial Fitness in Central New York to teach Pole Fitness Levels 1 & 2!  Imagine that- from terrified to teaching!  Seeing tangible results did not stop my desire to continue pushing past my fear of heights!  Last Fall I started training on Trapeze apparatus and have been flying high on Pole apparatus and the occasional Trapeze apparatus ever since.
       

At the age of 35, I am proof that no matter how old you are, it is possible to address and overcome fears that have had a tight grip on you since childhood.  I'm not sure where else my aerial journey will take me, but I do know my mind and body are ready for wherever the road may lead. 

By going through the body in order to access the subconscious, ANY person can transform deep patterns that cause them fear and anxiety.  My journey into the air has taught me that fear doesn’t have the final say in life- we do! 
        

I hope this blog has inspired you to challenge any long-held beliefs that may be holding YOU back from experiencing and living the best version of yourself!  Please comment or share!  This was my first blog, so hopefully you enjoyed it!